


Flattery

by ArtlessComedic



Category: The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)
Genre: Black Romance, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 15:33:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9908906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtlessComedic/pseuds/ArtlessComedic
Summary: this is my first batman fic, and its p much all batman and joker being an incredible kismeses coupleits rly short cut a dude some slack aaaa





	

**Joker: Named Batman's Greatest Enemy**

Joker grinned at the headline, bouncing slightly in his chair. “Harley!” He yelled. “Harley, have you seen what made the front page?!” He got up, running down the hall to find his pal. “Look at this!” He shouted, jumping on Harley’s bed and shaking her awake. 

“Oh, boo-boo, it's too early!” She whined, sitting up and groping for her glasses (a task made much harder by the still-jumping clown beside her). Poison Ivy never woke up early....hmph. “Okay, okay, what is it?” She asked, and picked up the paper dropped into her lap. “Greatest enemy, huh? To the public! Oh, sugarplum, I'm so happy for you!” 

“Thanks girl buddy!” Joker squealed in delight, dropping down to sit on the foot of her bed. “Can you believe it?! I'm so happy I could dangle a bus off a bridge!” 

“Do you want to?” Harley asked. “We'll take it for a joyride before hitting the bridge, and cause mayhem all the way there!” 

“Oh, Queenie, you always know just how to celebrate!” Joker took back the newspaper, clutching it to his chest. “Let's put a frame on this first, and then we'll go! It'll be so fun!” 

\-------------------- 

“Tell me again, Batsy.” Joker said, only halfheartedly tugging at his handcuffs. 

“What, are you doubting how I feel about you already?” Batman snorted. “Needy.” 

Joker glared at him, and then turned up his nose. “Well. I didn’t want to hear you say it anyway.” 

“Yes you did, Joker.” 

“Nope, I couldn’t possibly care less about what you have to say about us.” 

“Even if it has to do with socks?” Batman asked lightly. 

Joker narrowed his eyes. “Socks... I don’t get it. What do socks have to do with anything?” 

Batman pushed Joker into the backseat of his recently created Batcruiser and then got behind the wheel. “Nothing, I guess. You said you didn’t care.” 

Joker made an indignant sound and kicked the back of Batman’s seat. “You stupid jerk! God, I hate you!” 

“I hate you more.” Batman said. 

“I hate you most!” Joker yelled, kicking his rival’s seat again. 

“Have you ever stepped in something wet while wearing socks?” 

Joker slowed his kicks, blinking. “What?” 

“Have you ever been wearing socks, and stepped in something wet?” Batman said again. 

Joker frowned, cringing. “Ugh. Yeah. I still don’t get it.” 

“That’s how I feel when I’m around you.” Batman said, smirking at him through the rear-view mirror. 

Joker froze, eyes wide. “You- what? Really?” 

“I’m not going to say it again.” Batman huffed. 

“You don’t have to!” Joker grinned, jagged teeth exposed behind his red lips. “I can’t believe- that much disgust! Oh, Batsy! You know just what to say!” 

Batman hummed, tapping his steering wheel. “You’re the human equivalent of stepping on the end of a plug-in.” 

Joker couldn’t bite back his giggles, definitely blushing under the white makeup. “No!” 

“Yes!” 

“You’re like pineapple on pizza!” 

“You’re like finding hair in your food at a restaurant!” 

Joker burst into laughter, holding his face. “No more, I can’t take it!” He smiled wide, shaking his head. “You’re the worst!” He lunged forward as they reached Arkham, hooking the chain of his handcuffs around the Bat’s throat and pulling backwards. “You’ve absolutely ruined my life, and I _hate_ you.” The handcuffs dropped into Batman’s lap, there was a shattering of glass, and the prince of chaos was gone. 

\-------------------- 

“Hey, Batdad? Why is there lipstick on your mask?” Dick asked, head tilted. 

Batman reached up and wiped his fingertips across his cowl, scowling when he saw red smudged over them. Damn that clown. 


End file.
